NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
