did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
