I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
