I hope mine doesn't look like that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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