im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
