Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
