There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
