So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
