So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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