Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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