I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize