wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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