So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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