I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize