this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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