i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
