hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
