I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
