It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
