so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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