the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am midnight drunk by noon
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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