Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
worst night to have a conscience
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
