My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
