just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
