I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
