I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
