can we get nightvision for the apartment?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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