Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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