She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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