Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
