He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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