I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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