She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
