Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
