I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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