I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
