So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
