Her vagina should come with caution tape.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
