please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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