I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
