with your own penis?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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