She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
