You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Holy shit dude........stairs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
