I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
