im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
