how can u be prego again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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