So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
