my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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