so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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