So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
