so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
