i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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