I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
