I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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