I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
