I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
