So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
