i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize