Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
