I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize