fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
