During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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