Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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