dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
