I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My bed smells like the plague
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
