is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
