I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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