ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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