listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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