She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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