Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
